We had coffee and talked at Casa De Luna Coffee House in Downtown Bellflower. I've never walked around Downtown Bellflower before, so it was cool to explore!
{Hilda Tam. 23. Graphic Designer. UCI 2011 Graduate.}
Website. Tumblr.
How about you
tell me a little bit about yourself.
H: Well, my name
is Hilda Tam. I am a recent graduate and I am an artist, I guess. I do mostly
graphic design, but am interested in a lot of art-related things, like
illustration. I’m interested in photography, but I wouldn't call myself a
photographer. I like doing crafts like making costumes, or whatever it is
in my hands. I guess I would say I’m an artist all around, like in music, too.
Would you describe yourself as an artist?
H: Yeah, I’d say so. I think because most of the things I’m interested in are art-related, or more on the creative side. When people would ask me, “What would you do if you weren’t into graphic design, or drawing?” then my second answer would be, "I’d be interested in performing, doing comedy, or acting, or maybe I’d be a musician," or something like that. My next answer to not being a graphic designer or illustrator would automatically go into something else that’s creative.
What got you
into art? Or, you said graphic design is your...
H: It’s like my
go-to thing. The most prolific thing I do is probably graphic design. I've always been interested in art ever since I was a kid. I think I still have
pages and piles of drawings I used to do when I was a kid. They would all be
the marker/crayon drawings, but I remember bringing around paper whenever I went someplace, and I would always have something to draw. Or one of
those etch-a-sketch magnetic boards, I used to have one of those, and it’d be
really easy just to erase my drawing, and do another one and keep on doing that
throughout the day.
I’ve always been interested in art, but I guess I got more
into graphic design around high school. I had a friend that was making things for her Xanga, and I thought, “Wow, that’s cool! I want
to learn how to do that, too!” so I tried doing it, and started looking things
up. I guess that’s just how it got started, and I did it more in college when
people would ask me to make things for them. The more I did things, the more
people would know, then people would ask me, and that’s really how I got
started.
Would you say
that all your other artistic interests sprouted off from that? You just had
other interests in making costumes, photography, and other things?
H: I wouldn't say it came off from doing graphics because I think I had interest in those
things before, but I just never really pursued them until maybe high school or
college. Probably because of funds, or not having equipment. I’d be
interested in photography, but I wouldn't have a nice camera. Or I’d be
interested in making costumes, but I wouldn't have a sewing machine at the
time, so things I made were small hand-made things, or hand sewing things. As I
got older, then those things became more available, and that’s how I started
getting into them more.
Do you feel
ever since you got a sewing machine and a camera, you've been able to make more
stuff, or your creativity has been able to go off?
H: Yeah, I think
so. Now that there are things available
to me, I feel like when I want to do something, I don’t have to sit around and
wonder how I’m going to do it or how do I have the means to do it. I feel like
I do have the means, but it’s more of
my own personal desire to want to do something. Like doing side projects to
keep myself motivated and inspired. Now it’s something I have to push myself to
do. I enjoy doing it, it’s not always easy of course, we have periods of time where we're like, “Ugh, I don’t feel like doing anything,” but then once you get
started on a project, it’s really hard to stop. You
want to see it finished, and you’re in the zone. I
think that’s the most exciting part; being in the zone and being so excited to
have it be finished and to see it come into fruition.
Are there any projects you’re working on now, and what are one or a few of the projects you’re most proud of? Or that have made you really happy?
H: I’m actually trying to redesign my website and get business cards going. I think the one thing I’m currently working
on are a few logos for my friend’s food blog. I’m trying to create something
for her to put on her website so she can start her own branding. I’m trying
to do my own branding thing, too. I always have a lot of ideas that are in my head or on a
piece of paper, but for some reason I just don’t end up doing them until I feel
like I have to do it and then the list starts getting really long and I tell
myself, “Okay, these are just things on a list. When are they going to be
actual projects?”
When does that happen for you? When you have such a long list, but when does it actually happen?
H: Usually I try to keep myself motivated when I
follow a lot of artists on Tumblr. Or I try to keep up with a lot of artists’
websites to see what kind of updates they have. I admire the
way that other artists can keep themselves so motivated. I feel like that’s a
difficult thing when you don’t necessarily have anything to keep you from doing
it, or keep you going besides yourself. Especially if you’re doing a job that’s
totally unrelated to what you’re interested in, but you kind of do it on the
side, it’s really up to you to keep it going. When I look at what other artists do,
or I follow things on Tumblr that I’m interested in, that’s the kind of thing that helps me turn
an idea into an actual project. You see something, and you think, “Man, I want
to do that, too,” or, “Wow, that’s really cool! I can do something just like
that.”
I guess that branches into what I actually have ideas for. I could tell
you I have business cards ideas. I have Christmas card ideas, too. Especially
since it’s the holidays, and I want to put them on paper so I could actually
use them for something. I have ideas for making clothes. I have a lot of
old t-shirts that I’ve kind of been saving up that I don’t really wear anymore.
One of the ideas I have not done
anything with is making a t-shirt quilt. Like, cutting out the design of the
t-shirts, and having squares of t-shirts and making it into a quilt rather than
just throwing them away or donating them. Y’know we have a lot of t-shirts that
mean a lot to us and you’re like, “I have 50 t-shirts, but I don’t know what to
do with them and they still have so much meaning to me.”
Are there any
projects, whether through video, editing, production, graphic design, or all
the other art things that you do, that particularly are memorable or that you are really proud of?
H: Well I think a
lot of projects that took the longest time. When I look back on it I
think, “Man, I can’t believe I did that,” or “I can’t believe I spent so much
time doing that!” Actually, there was a project that I did in school for a
production class and we had to make a short film for the class. I’ve always
helped out with short films, but I’ve never actually done it myself. Or I’ve
always had other people helping out, and I kind of just contributed to it. For this class, I didn’t really have help with writing
it. We had to write it, direct it, film it ourselves. Then we had to get people
to be in it, and I’ve never actually produced anything before. So that was
scary to me because I didn’t want to screw it up or have people show up and it
would turn out really suck-y or something. But after
filming it and editing it and asking people to help out, it was really
rewarding because it was such a humbling experience. It was kind of
stressful, but it was also really fun. Sometimes I look back on the film I made
and put together, and sometimes in my head, I think, “Why did I do that?” or
“Why did I decide to use that?” or there’s a lot of things I could have done,
or should have done. But then I’m really proud of it, because there are a lot
of good things where I’m glad I did do. It’s kind of weird, when I look back at
it, or when I watch the film again, I feel so proud of myself, like, “Man you
did such a good job, Hilda! You are so good!”
H: My interest
in it came in my senior year of high school. I never actually thought about
doing it until we had to do a project like that in high school and I realized
how much fun it was. I tried to help out whenever I could with student films
when I was in college and do my part, or find films I could participate in because I wanted to learn more about it. I guess the
interest developed more when I was in college, and now it’s also one of the
things I would like to get into and do in the future.
What
motivates you, whether in your art or in life?
H: I would say life
in general motivates me, because some people that I talk to, I feel they think life is like a series of steps that you’re supposed to take. You’re
supposed to go to school, you’re supposed to go to college, you’re supposed to
get a 9-5 job, and you’re supposed to buy a house, and start a family, and save
up for retirement. Yeah, all of those things are true, but that’s not really
how I think of it. Those are things we’re “supposed to” or are “expected to”
do, but I don’t like that nowadays that’s what it is. Because it sounds so typical, and so average. I
feel like there is so much more you can do with life. When I’m old and
feeble, and when I’m a grandma, I don’t want to think about all the
steps I had to take, or all the expectations -- those aren’t the things you think
about when you’re old and on your deathbed. You think of
the things you’re proud that you did, or the things that you didn’t regret. I wouldn’t want to make a decision where I know later on I would regret. I feel like that’s the way that I go through life, which
is one of the things that keeps me passionate. The things I’m interested in are
the things that I’m passionate about. I could easily just think like, “Oh,
these are just dreams. They’re just things that I dream about, but they don’t
necessarily become a reality.” I could think that way, and work a 9-5 job doing
something I don’t necessarily enjoy and just do that kind of thing on the side,
but I feel like if I did try to go for it, or if I did chase after my dream as
hard as I could, then when I finally get it, then it’s that’s much more
satisfying than thinking it’s just an idea.
What helps
you keep those dreams alive? Because I think for a lot of people they think
that way: “Well, they’re just dreams. I need to work a 9-5 job because that’s
what people do,”
H: Or that’s
easier, or that’s more stable. And yeah, I understand that; people strive for
something more stable because it’s easier, but is that satisfying? I guess that’s what I think about it. I want
to do things that I feel like are satisfying, not just okay. I don’t want to
just settle for okay.
So
is it those questions that keep your dreams alive?
H: Well, I do
admit that it’s hard. I do have thoughts sometimes of, “What if these are just
dreams?” or “What if God just gives me these dreams and says, ‘No, Hilda.
You’re actually just going to be here and these are just dreams that aren’t
going to be anything,’”. But then I think, “That kind of sucks. God, why would
you give me these passions and dreams if I’m not supposed to do anything with
them?” It is difficult, especially being a post-grad and not really having that
career yet; not seeing how it all falls into place, a pathway that
you’re supposed to take, or how you’re going to get to these goals. It’s really
easy to give up and not go for them
anymore because you don’t really know where to go.
I think one of the things that I keep in mind when I
have those thoughts of maybe wanting to give up or do something a little
easier, is what Steve Jobs said.
It’s just
hard, though.
H: It is hard. I
feel like our dreams change. Maybe what we wanted before wouldn’t be what we
want in the future. I have to keep that in mind, too. Maybe what I want right
now will be different and I guess I have to learn to be okay with that. I don’t
have to always chase after whatever it is that I wanted in school. If I decide
to do something else, I have to be okay with letting go of the old dream and
accepting the new one.
As an
artist, do you have people you could bounce ideas off of?H: Instead of bouncing ideas off of people, I kind of just go with the flow. I have this idea, I’ll make it, I’ll turn it into a picture, or I’ll turn it into some kind of design. And however it turns up, that’s what will be.
H: There’s two more
well-known artists that I follow. One of them is Scott Campbell. He does these
really neat water color paintings, and they’re really small. I really love his
ideas, his creativeness and the way he renders his paintings, but they’re so
key, but there’s also certain details. I started following him because he does
this series called, “The Great Showdowns” and these showdowns are references to
movies, TV shows, or books. And they’re usually people against each other.
Can you say what
you told me earlier, how we focus so much on what we can’t do or what we don’t
have versus what we can do? Do you
remember saying that? It was before we started recording, but...
H: I think I was
talking about people that maybe don’t necessarily get into the
school, program, or full-time job they really wanted, and they kind of feel like their worth is
rooted in the things that they weren’t able to get. And it’s like, yeah you could be sad about it, or you
could feel like your worth was put into that job or that school you really
wanted to go to, but there’s so much more about you that is more than just a
job, and more than just going to school. When you
encounter those things that you didn’t get, then I feel like people should
start thinking about other areas they could excel at. I mean, there are plenty
of other things you could be doing or using your time that are just as valuable, you know? Instead of thinking
about the things you didn’t get, maybe you should think about the things you
now have time for, and things you can really excel at and use that as a part of
your worth. And not those other things.
You were saying something earlier about other artists think that they’re not as good as so-and-so...
H: Yeah. I’m not good at that kind of thing, but
then I look at artists who excel in one area of something, like maybe they’re
really good at drawing. Maybe they’re really good at illustration, or creating
graphics, but they’re not necessarily great at painting, but when I look at
them, I don’t think that way of them. I don’t look at their art and think
they’re not good at this thing, or they’re not good at this thing. I look at
what they do and I admire what they excel at. I admire the way that they seem
like they know what they’re good at, so they push that more instead of worrying
about what they’re not good at.
Kind of
going back to what you said about what you can
do versus what you can’t do, what you
don’t have.
H: Yeah. Don’t
be sad about what you don’t have, but think about the things that you
are good at and the things that you do have, and push that area more. Because
that’s when you’re going to grow. That’s where you’re really going to excel and
probably you’re going to be most happy in, when you’re doing something you know
that you’re good at.
Because you
have a lot of dreams, whether they’re big or small, would you call yourself
a dreamer?
H: I guess I would. I guess I can’t say this about other people, but I almost feel
like I dream about more so than other people that I know who are very focused
on one thing that they’re doing. It’s not a bad thing, if they know
what they want to do and what they’re going after; power to them. I
feel like I’m so interested in a lot of things, like I’m a big dreamer, which
could be a good or a bad thing. I could just be dreaming all the time and not
living in reality type of thing.
Who do you look
up to, or who has shaped you into the person you are today? Like I guess more
personal-wise, in your life?
H: Hm… To be
honest, I don’t think I can really chalk it up to a person. Uhm, this sounds
like a really Christian answer, but I’m going to say God. I
didn’t really have a particular person I looked up to when I was growing up,
but I think that how my life has turned out, or how situations have turned out,
or the way that I grew up, I would really have to say that if I wasn’t a
Christian and if I didn’t know God, I probably could
have turned out to be a bad person. Not that I’m
trying to make it sound like people who don’t know God are bad people, but I
always think about, man, if I didn’t know God, would I have done this? Or would
I have been a lot crazier? Would I have gotten into things that may have turned
my life for the worse? I think about those things, but the way that I guess
I’ve grown up and the way that my life has turned out, I’m really thankful that
because I knew God, He was able to keep me more down-to-earth and more
appreciative of the things that I have, or able to keep me from going off of
the rails.
Looking at the past 20 something years, what do you feel like the story to tell other people looks like? From all your experiences, and all that you’ve
done.
H: I guess I’d
have to say that your life is what you make of it. I guess this
kind of goes back to what I said about how life isn’t just a series of steps
that you have to take, but it is what you make of it. Lots of people have very
satisfying, happy lives, not doing the typical things that we’re
supposed to do, and that’s okay. I’d say that life is not
a series of steps, but it’s what you can look back on and be
proud of. And if it is working a 9-5 job and doing all these different things,
and you’re happy with that, that’s okay too. But if you’re not happy with that
then it’s fine to do what you want to do. It’s okay to be different and to not know because I really don’t think anyone in the world
knows what they’re doing. I don’t think my parents always know what they’re
doing. There isn’t a handbook about what you’re supposed to do next,
right? And there isn’t a specific year that you’re supposed to do
something, or a specific age you’re supposed to do something.
I wanted
to say something along the lines of: Don’t be so worried about the material things that you have; don’t be cynical. I hate it when people are really cynical. I actually
know a lot of people who think that way, and I don’t feel like they lead such
happy lives. I think there’s a lot of good people in this world and if you just
try your best and you try to survive, then good things will happen and don’t be
so worried if they don’t happen right away, but I guess you never know how
things are going to turn about from where you are. When you look back at how you got to where you are now, it makes sense, but you don’t see it in the beginning -- you see it at the end.
Is there
anything that you want to share about yourself, or like who you are, or like
anything?
H: I’m a
nerd. I like geeky things. Actually that’s one of the things I follow on
Tumblr: Geek Art. Geek Art, it’s a
Tumblr where they post a lot of art by artists that relate to nerdy things.
Lots of gaming references, lots of people who do like fine art things, or a lot
of illustration based on games, movies, sci-fi, y’know Avengers, superheroes,
that kind of thing? That’s also one of the things that keep me interested
because I’m totally into nerdy stuff, sci-fi things.
{Hilda Tam. Dreamer.}
{Hilda Tam. Dreamer.}
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